Having a son..

having a son is tough.. minsan kailangan mong isipin na paano kung di sya lumaking tama .. kung agiging mabuti ka bang Ina or magulang sa kanya.. kung lahat ba nang ituturo mo ay gagawin nya ; susundin or ipagwawalang bahala. kapag lumaki ba sya , mananatili ba sya sa tabi mo ? pag-aaralan nya ba ang mga bagay bagay na gusto nyang matutunan? magiging basehan ba lagi ang kapaligiran bilang isang malaking eskwelahan lalo na pag natuto na syang lumabas ng bahay at di mo na mamomonitor ang mga galaw nya, .. siguro nga hindi, walang perpektong magulang pero lahat tayo gusto maging successful ang mga anak natin lalo na pag ito ay lalaki .. sa anong dahilan? dahil sya ang magtataguyod sa kanyang pamilya balang araw.. sya ang magsisilbing pundasyon ng kanyang magiging anak sya yung magiging sandalan ng kanyang misis sya yung magsisilbing alalahanin ng kanyang magulang kahit tumanda pa ito at sya ang magiging inspirasyon ng kanyang magiging anak na baabe kung anong dapat na lalaki ang magiging pag-ibig nya sa hinaharap.. sharing my own video clip on how i talk to my son at a very young age .. hope you'll get something to it .. https://youtu.be/BCPYSJyCWcI check it

April 2016 Reset

when i look back on all relationships i had, there is always one thing in common. you gave the whole fucking self and yet been treated like you are not that effin' important. you run over them ; follow them wherever they might be and have been left in the middle . from a so called perfect escape; to another sweet escape; to another journey of foolishness and now inside a house that u wish will be home yet it's not. i told myself if ever i will have a family , i will place much effort to keep my partner upclose and my kid should have more time; > you can have no job but have an expensive love of labor for your kid > you can have no friends since you are building your family > you have to close your doors to opportunity just to let your partner build his own success > you can let everyone pull you down as long as you know that you are standing for what you belive in.. before i can make things happen... why can't i do it again? > hindrance will be - unsupportive husband - a family that follows you or wants to know every single thing about you - a member of the so called family who is much insecure on what your life was back then since she got a boring life - a very looking forward mother in law who thinks she knows evrything that meddles your parenting - a company who don't know what life you have given up just to please them these things, i never felt it on my previous family - mother of a 3rd sex who loves me so much - an ex family who supports your decision since its your own family - a supportive man who will do anything to his family just to see you happy contentment? all of us never had it. we seek for so called happiness and looking for pieces that will complete a puzzle yet it never fix the situation. so starting tonight -i won't run over a person who don't know my families worth - i will be civilized enough to treat the people around me on the way they should be treated - will never open up my life , my happiness to anyone who will just gossip to make herself popular or being pitied - will focus more on what will make me happy despite of looking on scenarios that make me sad -will be providing less value for those who never value what i have given to them.. time; money; effort; life hahah feel free to check on my online diary and i'll guarantee you ; you will have another topic to discuss with your so called friends and bff.. fuck you bitch.. your fb name fits you hahahah

March feelings

I cannot say that March is an epic fail or not.. But i learned to love it.
I got my new job.. Have to push myself to the limits for being bored..
I've been searching for ideas on how to convinced myself to be happy on what i'm doing..
my previous job didn't give me enough reason to stay.. or should i say it's only me.
Travelling to Cubao from our crib is a hassle.. Risky and unpredictable situation.. Need to take a hell ride bus.. need to check all the humans around me .. every person is a stranger.. then i give up.. have no motivation from my boss.. pushing Sales as if we're not working hard.. Have a group of individuals that are unpredictable coz of each attitude or diverse personality.. Some are true, some are fake, some are i don't know... the working environment sucks.. No place to eat.. looks hunted.. The boss are " i don't know" i just hate their accent.. sorry i'm not being racist but i'm not used to it..

So when i decided to switch company.. i want to make sure that i will be reserved enough not to tell my whole story.. i want them to embrace the reserved type of Nini.. the whole me when i was a kid.. i explore.. i demand ..i learn and i feel every scenarios of my daily living..

For my family.. got lesser time with them but i want to make sure that we communicate almost everyday.. Thanks to Social Networking Sites .. Twitter, Facebook ... and also to individual Apps such as Skype and IM,YM, Google Talk.. i really admire the creator of these engines, apps or whatsoever.. you made my life easier for them to reach..

For my love life.. most of the days were down.. but i don't take it as a downfall in our relationshiop.. Shit happens.. If we don't fight then it's useless.. Better separate lives that pretending that we were in love just because of doing so..
.. The good thing about it is... we never think of separation or living in our individual world.. we work as a team.. Hmmmm . we do fight but for simple things only ... like not sending SMS or not notifying me where she at and vice versa ..

I hate the days when i do the chores alone and having no help from her.. specially the laundry.. i know.. i know .. i love doing it coz i love her but sometimes it pushes me to the limit.. Hate being compared to.. really.. not because of someone else but because of the things that are done to her. things that she was used to.. if i don't love her mom.. then i let her do the chores then..

It's just like.. i don't wanna be a dumb asshole who lives in this crib as if i'm not productive.. unlike. hmmm. nah..

anyway .. i just wanna burst it out.. have no place/person to tell it to .. I just love my blog.. My online emotions.. or should i say my online diary..

i love what i do.. and i will stick to my decisions even the painful one..

hate being left alone..

have you ever felt being left alone walking in the street .. assuming that you're with the person you've been waiting yet you're left in the middle...


" You are not pleased by many, they won't love you .. i'm the only one who is so stupid and still stays beside you"

" your dress is awful.. it's not even fashionable"..

"you think they'll love you because of you,... you wish"...

then met a group of friends.. not even close to introduce you.... as if she never cares about you..

" all these time i'm so pissed off you fucking flirt.. you think you can handle it... "


love your face!!!!!!!


the fact that you've given everything yet you are being degraded by your previous mistakes... yet she will tell you that she loves you but will curse you until you got home..

though these shitty things happen i still end up.. taking care, loving and understanding you..



i dont wanna wake up one day that fear comes despite the love that i've and you've shown me...

sobrang ewan...

nakakainis.. badtrip.. wala ako sa hulog.. i dont know what's wrong or if there's something wrong about this thingy.. i've been reprimanded for the entire week as if i never did right.. then end up pleasing me then get's back to reality.. let's define.. stupidity!!!

- something thatshows you or tell you something which is untrue.. some informations provided sucks big t ime!!! White lies but end up real fucking lie and only hunch helps you out to trigger the secrets behind the secrets...

it's not about trust that leash the painting but the colors of every angle that i'm seeing...

workaholic....

i've been working since 2003 if i may remember..

standard chartered bank- cash loan telemarketer
RCBC- OJT for remmitance
greenwich- cashier
jollibee-cashier
shakey's malate- food server
shakey's moa- food server
Teleperformance- call center agent
dakki- authorized dealer
avon- authorized dealer
back to teleperformance- SME and trusted advisor kuno..


darn it.. paulit-ulit.. have to wake-up then prepare for work.. earn money then spend it .. then earn it.. then spend it.. for all those years i wasnt able to save money sa sobrang daming luho.. and oh i happened to have the MAGIC CARD (credit card) that i was so hook-up on.. but i have to give up since im spending more than i earn..

setting-up a goal .. i wish before i reach my 30th age i was able to have my own dream house, my car and something to sustain my family..

i may not that workaholic that may say since i spend too much on signature clothes and gadgets but end up selling them even my jewelry.. darn it!!!

i make it to the point that after blogging this emotional spend-ature thingy.. i'll save for my future.. haayks!!!

(blogging at work -avail kasi ** hahaha**)

emotion -emotion--emotion

temper:

what is temper?

accdg to the online source it's a
:

1. To modify by the addition of a moderating element; moderate: "temper its doctrinaire logic with a little practical wisdom" (Robert H. Jackson). See Synonyms at moderate.
2. To bring to a desired consistency, texture, hardness, or other physical condition by or as if by blending, admixing, or kneading: temper clay; paints that had been tempered with oil.
3. To harden or strengthen (metal or glass) by application of heat or by heating and cooling.
4. To strengthen through experience or hardship; toughen: soldiers who had been tempered by combat.
5. To adjust finely; attune: a portfolio that is tempered to the investor's needs.
6. Music To adjust (the pitch of an instrument) to a temperament.



v.intr.


To be or become tempered.
n.
1. A state of mind or emotions; disposition: an even temper. See Synonyms at mood1.
2. Calmness of mind or emotions; composure: lose one's temper.
3.
a. A tendency to become easily angry or irritable: a quick temper.
b. An outburst of rage: a fit of temper.
4. A characteristic general quality; tone: heroes who exemplified the medieval temper; the politicized temper of the 1930s.
5.
a. The condition of being tempered.
b. The degree of hardness and elasticity of a metal, chiefly steel, achieved by tempering.
6. A modifying substance or agent added to something else.
7. Archaic A middle course between extremes; a mean.



... accdg to my review on my partner's "temper" well like an ice .. it melts so easily.. even a single or not so big deal topic.. instance.. or an impromptu situations.. it make's me realized that i should be exert more patience and lots of understanding for her overall.. emotions...DARN!!!

... it made me realized that if one is on fire you should be a water ir else.. you'll burn each other's behavior..

... my resoltuion for every mood swings that she shows me is to let myself understand and divert all the good things, memories and deeds that she've shown me so that i can fully understand where she's coming from..though sometimes it irritates me. but what can i do?ot lots of questions that need an answer which i know that i dont know the answer.. coz if i will splurge it out ,.. then there's no great reasons to hold on.

.. sabi nga nila ..love is not a game that children play..so tell me that you'll stay..